Ponderisms.........

Bobby style, of course!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of "Alphabet Soup"?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

(Too bad Connie couldn't stand up to Bobby's)

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you. But, when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

(Woofy, woofy!)

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

(He can squeeze my dangly things anytime.......we'd all love to squeeze HIS!)

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt?"

(Our guy is VERY brave!)

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but, it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

(This one might just be an American thing)

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now, the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Have you noticed, since everyone has a cell that takes pictures these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

(Could of used a "Depths" cap here, but I thought it would be a looooong stretch)

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Life is sexually transmitted.

(He can "transmit" me anytime..........)

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

(I love him in action........talk about moist!)

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

(The proof is on the ground)

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Gardening rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant, is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

(Eat me!!)

Never take life seriously. NOBODY gets out alive anyways.