An oldie but, a goodie!

Priest Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "Well when I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!

Challenge

Mr. D'Onofrio is talking about his pet project entitled "Johnny and Me." He is (so far, to some degree) writer, producer and director of this project. I really wish that he would star in this movie, also.

Past producer/writer/director/stars include: Mel Brooks, Robert Redford, John Wayne, George Clooney, Clint Eastwood, Kevin Costner. I wish that Mr. D'Onofrio could flex ALL of these muscles. I believe that he is more than capable. More than competent. More than qualified. And, IMHO at least as good of an actor as any of the aforementioned. All things aside, I truly believe that Mr. D'Onofrio is best suited for the lead part.

I have NO idea of what all of this entails. I'm willing to help. I'm willing to donate. I'm willing to work on the project.

This is my challenge to Mr. D'Onofrio.

Help, police!

On second thought, THIS is my kind of peeping Tom!

Unintentional porn:

Okay now......

I saw this and just HAD to post this.

I think the robot technicians have too much time on their hands and my kind of humor. Or, maybe I'm happily perverted!

Chicken/Egg

The more I watch Mr. D and his friend George, the more I see of another of Mr. D's friends: Bobby.
The resemblances are amazing. The pauses. The switch of topics. The hand gestures. The stuttering The I'm-only-one-breath-away-from-the-other-side looks. And especially, the "I know something you don't shit eatin' grin".
Bobby and George could be brothers. Did Francis have another skeleton in the closet? LOL
Is "Bobby" George's alter ego or, is "George" Bobby's alter ego?
Is George the inner self or, is Bobby?
So, in a "nut" shell, who is the true self?
In other words: What came first, the chicken or the egg??

Jeff Goldblum leaving “L&O: CI”: Replacement ideas?

Jeff Goldblum leaving “L&O: CI”: Replacement ideas?

Let it rest. Bobby and Alex have made their peace. Ms. E and Mr. D have, also. Besides, who cares about JG? Coyote and Co. deserted the show long ago.

Slow

That's me........slow.

I was over at t13 and saw this great cap.

What do I finally see????? Take a look.

Sandals!! Bobby in sandals!!
Is anyone else as slow as me?! LOL

The Odd Couple

In the beginning.....

(This is the real color of the clouds.)

On July 14th, one of many thunderstorms rolled into the Devils Lake, ND area. I watched in awe of Mother Nature's beauty and formidability.

The birth of a tornado right overhead.

The sun was shining on us. The cloud line was literally right above. The yellow crop is canola (rapeseed in Canada). This storm front brought us 70 mph winds, 3 inches of rain in half an hour and grapefruit sized hail. It lasted about an hour and went to the SE towards Fargo, ND.

The next day, this fellow showed up in our yard.

We scared him off. He flew away kind of wobbly and ungracefully landed in the canola.

He showed up for 2 more days and we chased him off. On the third day, we had a pretty lethargic pelican on or hands. I called the Sheriff's Dept., who told me to call the North Dakota Game and Fish Dept., who told me to call the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Dept. Naturally, no one believed me. Finally, I was taken seriously and was told that a team would be sent out to see what was going on.

Three guys showed up about an hour and a half later. I was worried that we might not find him because he would waddle off into the field occasionally. The looks on their faces when the big guy was sitting 5 ft. from our deck with his new found fuzzy friend was priceless. They said they had NEVER dealt with a LIVE pelican before. So, we kind of corralled him and one of the guys threw a blanket on him and we unceremoniously (and VERY gently) convinced him into a travel crate. (Did you know that these suckers snap at their "opponents"? I'd hate to be on their bad sides!) The men took him to a federal wildlife preserve about 4 miles from us and released him. They kept an eye on him for a few days and then he flew away. So, I guess we did a good deed and have a great story to tell.

Oh, a wondrous bird is the pelican!
His bill holds more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week.
But I'm darned if I know how the helican.
Humorist Dixon Lanier Merritt, 1910

By the way, Buddy was his companion while he was our unexpected guest.

His zoo

Georgie's got a zoo in his pants:


"I got an ache in my......my groin area. Well, it's like walkin' around with a little monkey hangin' on me............"

"........Yeah, I think its been...I...I...I been fixed. I was fixed years ago........"

Looks like the "python's" got competition!
I wanna play with Georgie's "monkey"!!

I am soooo "phallic".

What a hoot!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, I wish we could see the unedited version. Would love to see the "scripted" and ad-lib parts all in one piece.

I know I'm behind the times, but.....

........ after reading this on nantz's blog, you have to admit that the man that we admire and lust over, is truly a wonderful man. Forget the acting, directing, producing and singing and what do you have? A GENTLE man, a Humanitarian, a HERO in his own right and most of all.........an ordinary man trying to make a difference. Yes, he has advantages (that he's worked hard to get) and he uses those advantages (by his own words) , yet, he uses these advantages to help men and women that some people hate, some disregard, some ignore, some hold in contempt, some admire and some only care about them when that someone needs their help (and won't bother to help them in return).

In each of our countries, our First Responders are and should be our heroes.

Mr. D. deserves that title also.

"VINCENT D'ONOFRIO PLANS TO DETOX WITH 9/11 HEROES"

22 July 2010 08:22
CONTACTMUSIC.COM

Former LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT star VINCENT D'ONOFRIO has signed up to go through the detox program firefighters and police officers who experienced the horrors of 9/11 undertake - so he can show his solidarity.

The actor, whose stepfather was a fireman, was among the first wave of celebrities asked to help raise morale at Ground Zero after the 2001 terrorist attacks on New York and he has always felt close to the men and women who showed so much courage in the wake of the disaster.

And, now he's in between movies, D'Onofrio plans to spend much of August (10) detoxing with one of the charity causes he regularly helps to raise funds for - The Heroes Health Project.

He tells WENN, "One of the things that I always knew about my stepdad was he was so different than I was. I'm not that kind of a man. I don't go running into burning buildings when everybody else is running out. I run out too.

"These guys are exactly like him. They don't whine, they don't ask for help and they need it, so I try to ask for help for them.

"When 9/11 happened, the U.S. Marshalls put together a list of people to come down to Ground Zero to help raise morale when they weren't finding anybody alive. I was on that list and all I did for 20-something hours was talk to them. I'm gonna go through the detox program with a bunch of firefighters and cops in New York just so I know what it's like.

"It's a long, expensive thing that takes up to six or seven weeks to get through and I'm gonna do it. I heard it's pretty painful at times because releasing these toxins through their bodies puts them through a lot of pain to get it all out and it's a horror but I have some time now, so I think I'm gonna start the first week of next month."

The actor insists he's so proud of the efforts of the cops and firefighters, there's very little he won't do for the heroes he met after 9/11, who are struggling with the memory of the nightmare.

He adds, "I know some of the guys who went through it... who I talk to on the phone all the time and, to hear the journey that they've been on - falling ill and then recovering is amazing... I'm working very hard to try and do the right thing for these guys."

evidence

"Captain, we need your expertise. And, your unbiased opinion."
"Flattery will get you nowhere."
"I KNOW what happened with the two of them."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do and I can prove it."
"Is there evidence????"
"Yes sir."
"Bobby, you wouldn't know the evidence if it bit you in the ass!"
"Ha! You see? She's guilty!"
"I am not."
"Com' on kids. No more fighting."
"He can dodge all he wants but, I know he did it."
"You did it."
"Okay, time to get back to work."
"But Captain......."
"Stop whining, Bobby."
"Get out of my office. NOW!"
After Alex and Bobby leave..........
"Crap! I have to be more careful next time I grab the last two donuts! Good thing I can pretend to make a phone call........."

Grand Forks Herald | Grand Forks, North Dakota

photos of the flooding

Grand Forks Herald | Grand Forks, North Dakota

North Dakota's inland ocean | Grand Forks Herald | Grand Forks, North Dakota

Sorry I'm so delinquent about posts and visiting your blogs.

This is some of what I've been dealing with, along with just enjoying the outdoors in the summer. Believe me, once the crappy cold weather hits I'll be back in front of the computer!

Note: since this article was published, 9 inches of rain fell and the lake went up 1 foot.

North Dakota's inland ocean | Grand Forks Herald | Grand Forks, North Dakota